The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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