I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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