Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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