you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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