What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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