I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize