I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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