Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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