K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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