Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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