We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize