I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize