Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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