Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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