Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize