Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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