I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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