i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
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probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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