Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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