I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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