fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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