i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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