why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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