My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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