I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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