You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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