one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize