The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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