Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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