I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
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I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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