I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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