Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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