apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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