I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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