some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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