so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize