my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize