pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize