hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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