I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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