I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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