she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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