nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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