Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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