420 ftw
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize