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why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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