So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize