i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize