it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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