i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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